TV Licensing: Festive Threatogram

Our reader James, who goes by the nickname of Daddy Rat, gives his thoughts on TV Licensing's "10 days" threatogram:

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury... I draw your attention to the design of the new TV Licensing “threatogram” – and note that this latest escapade is indeed worthy of a degree of my attention and provides yet another wonderful opportunity to engage in the process of litigation with TV Licensing.

On the rare occasion that I can even be bothered to give TV Licensing any thought whatsoever, I am somehow moved to empathise with their latest stunt simply because Christmas is coming and I wish to bring the tidings of good joy upon our dear friends at TV Licensing. Like Santa Claus I have decided to bring them a present. How exciting! Only I won’t be coming down the chimney of the BBC headquarters and I won’t be providing any champagne, after all, TV Licensing aren’t even worth a box of chocolates.

No. Instead I will be bringing news of the much anticipated verdict with regard their latest campaign. You see ladies and gentlemen of the jury this is a most significant event as this constitutes yet another case between the prosecution (them) and us... the defence.

And... in the spirit of glad tidings... I’ll be posting the verdict right here online on a prominent TV licence activist site so that more of them... and you... get to see it. Isn’t that just marvellous?

In the latest “threatogram” the narrative is, as usual, constructed by a team of people that are clearly deficient of any form of intelligence and this exposes the obvious and numerous inabilities of those who wrote it.

I am amused at their latest attempt to construct a document founded on the language of intimidation which is clearly designed to frighten and motivate those unto whom it is intended.

Has it worked? No. Of course not.

This latest attempt to once again derive income from threatening behaviour towards members of the public can only be described as absolutely pathetic.

Does their declaration that they know how hard it is to pay the bills at the moment strike you as being sympathetic to the suffering of those being squeezed in Cameron’s austerity economy? It needn’t. They couldn’t give less of a damn. Happily, the feeling is entirely mutual... because... in the words of the Chancellor of the Exchequer – we’re all in this together...and that includes TV Licensing. Which is why THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A BETTER REASON TO CANCEL YOUR TV LICENCE.

Battle hardened and seasoned – I remain unmoved by your threats to intimidate me and readily dismiss your latest correspondence as nothing more than another complete and utter failure.

The snarls and growls do not frighten me in the way that belies the intention to do so. No. Why? Because all attempts to cause distress and alarm will always be met with ferocious litigation in defiance of a corporate culture that believes it has an automatic right to bully and lay down threats to anyone who won’t give them money. This is a display of the antiquated nature of their thinking and demonstrates that their arrogance is only outdone by the dullness of their imagination.

Because, ladies and gentlemen of the jury – the document has to be read with a very healthy dose of scepticism, alongside a high degree of reservation, as the authenticity has to be weighed against whether the narrative constitutes a real or a perceived threat. Coming from TV Licensing we can safely assume that it is a perceived threat, not a real one, and can therefore safely be completely ignored.

This reflects negatively on those who contributed to the construction of the latest threatogram and identifies an obvious lack of a decent education. What amazes me is that the people who wrote this are actually getting paid to produce writing that will have an impact. Is this it? Wouldn’t you think that they could have done a proper job? What? Is this their best attempt after going through a copy writing procedure as well? Were they inebriated when they read it? Is this the best they can do? Sadly, this would definitively appear to be the case.

This causes me to wonder whether these people received any level of education at all and exemplifies that they are increasingly becoming isolated from the society in which they themselves live. Such ignorance is clearly deserving of ridicule...and I will be only too happy to provide it here for all to see.

Happy Christmas TV Licensing – you failed again.

So the entire case can be summed up as merely another pathetic attempt to change the thought patterns and behaviour of those whom they wish to intimidate through the ineffective narrative constructed by people whose collective knowledge of persuasive writing can be written on the back of a stamp. Clearly this is not having the effect that TV Licensing requires, as the new narrative exposes the previous correspondence as being ineffective – otherwise they wouldn’t have changed it. The fact that they have tells you something. After all, if you look, there is information in everything. This manoeuvre exposes an organisation that is haemorrhaging money. This is a corporation whose judgements are based on fear, and through their own actions, the nature and characteristics of their threats are laid bare for all to see.

Does this mean there is anything to be concerned about? Absolutely not. Daddy Rat is armed to the teeth with vicious, rigid and robust litigation to defend the beliefs that we will not bow to the demands of the Establishment which comfortably accommodates TV Licensing. In defiance, we stand together in the face of such tyranny and declare that we are not unequivocally committed to the search for lasting peace between TV Licensing and members of the public – we seek the abolishment of the TV licence altogether which is another reason why THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A BETTER TIME TO CANCEL YOUR TV LICENCE.

I therefore declare to members of the jury – the public here online – that I shall not be capitulating to the demands of TV Licensing as I will never adhere to the insistence that everyone else live by their rules. Times have changed. Modernity has brought with it unwelcome disruption. The sooner TV Licensing comes to this realization, the sooner they will comprehend and accept the reality that their model for acquiring income is fast becoming obsolete.

So, as advocate for the defence, I therefore conclude that TV Licensing are NOT GUILTY of composing literature scary enough to change the perception and behaviour of all members of their audience and reverse their dwindling fortunes.

And although this latest case has been yet another complete and utter failure – believe it or not – there is good news.

Yes.

TV Licensing have successfully won the Daddy Rat “failure of the year award”... which is at least something... after all... at such special times like Christmas... it’s the thought that counts.