Jimmy Savile Calls TV Licensing

Now then, now then, now then. A new sport even more exhilarating than goon fishing is sweeping the legally licence free nation - TV Licensing telephone baiting.

After years of child predation BBC favourite Jimmy Savile is back from the grave to expose just how little TV Licensing call handlers know about TV licence law and BBC policy. After battling through 71 menu options Savile was eventually directed towards TV Licensing call handler Esme. Being over the age of 12 she managed to escape his sexual attentions, but the clinical probing of his enquiring mind must have still left her feeling violated.

In the 15 minute dialogue that followed Esme came out with some absolute corkers, including:

• TV Licensing goons don't use hand-held detection equipment (she might be right about this, but TV Licensing probably wouldn't want her admitting it).
• It's not trespassing if a goon decides to snoop around your garden and peer through your windows (she is wrong about this).
• Detector vans rely on the flicker of a TV set, so you're okay if you close the curtains (she might be right about this, but TV Licensing probably wouldn't want her admitting it).
• You need a TV licence if you only use a digital box to listen to radio through your TV set (she is wrong about this).

Fairly early on in the call Savile revealed that he liked to film TV Licensing encounters and upload them to YouTube. Bizarrely, for reasons known only to herself, Esme missed that hint and continued to spout drivel regardless.

Hopefully, as the BBC and TV Licensing will undoubtedly read this article, they can address the copious amounts of false information their call handlers are giving out over the phone.

If you'd like to get involved with TV Licensing telephone baiting, please give them a call on 0300 790 6131. It's probably best if you prepare your questions beforehand. Don't forget to be polite and film everything they say!