Capita TV Licensing are currently recruiting "Sales Officers" in the Brighton area.
For the benefit of unemployed people thinking of whoring themselves out to the devil, we thought we'd offer a plain English translation of some of the key comments in the ad.
What TVL job ad says: "Great negotiation and customer service skills."
What TVL job ad means: "The ability to brow beat people into buying a licence, whether they need one or not. Must be able to recognise those social groups most likely to pay up."
What TVL job ad says: "Providing outcome results from each of your visits."
What TVL job ad means: "Must be willing to poke around people's private property and harvest as much information as possible, even though you're not legally entitled to."
What TVL job ad says: "Visiting selected unlicensed addresses (no cold calling)."
What TVL job ad means: "By concentrating on high population areas you'll be able maximise your commission earnings."
What TVL job ad says: "Reduce evasion on (sic) the fee, and to maximise sales for the BBC."
What TVL job ad means: "Sell as many licences as you can by whatever means necessary, so the BBC gets as much cash as possible."
What TVL job ad says: "Flexible attitude to attendance patterns."
What TVL job ad means: "You'll work long days and unsociable hours."
What TVL job ad says: "Perseverance."
What TVL job ad means: "Expect people who know exactly how little authority you have to swear at you slam the door in your face."
What TVL job ad says: "A basic salary of £12,000 per annum."
What TVL job ad means: "The pay is shit. By paying peanuts we expect to employ monkeys."
What TVL job ad says: "Average salary with commission in 2010 was £23,897."
What TVL job ad means: "You can boost your earnings by selling lots of licences to people, whether they need them or not."
What TVL job ad says: "An outstanding results-based incentive scheme."
What TVL job ad means: "Sell, sell, sell and you'll make lots of cash. The harder you try to sell, the more likely you'll be able to bully your commission payment from someone."
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