TV Licensing Job Ad: Reading Between the Lines

Capita TV Licensing are currently recruiting "Sales Officers" in the Brighton area.

For the benefit of unemployed people thinking of whoring themselves out to the devil, we thought we'd offer a plain English translation of some of the key comments in the ad.

What TVL job ad says: "Great negotiation and customer service skills."

What TVL job ad means: "The ability to brow beat people into buying a licence, whether they need one or not. Must be able to recognise those social groups most likely to pay up."

What TVL job ad says: "Providing outcome results from each of your visits."

What TVL job ad means: "Must be willing to poke around people's private property and harvest as much information as possible, even though you're not legally entitled to."

What TVL job ad says: "Visiting selected unlicensed addresses (no cold calling)." 

What TVL job ad means: "By concentrating on high population areas you'll be able maximise your commission earnings."

What TVL job ad says: "Reduce evasion on (sic) the fee, and to maximise sales for the BBC."

What TVL job ad means: "Sell as many licences as you can by whatever means necessary, so the BBC gets as much cash as possible."

What TVL job ad says: "Flexible attitude to attendance patterns."

What TVL job ad means: "You'll work long days and unsociable hours."

What TVL job ad says: "Perseverance."

What TVL job ad means: "Expect people who know exactly how little authority you have to swear at you slam the door in your face."

What TVL job ad says: "A basic salary of £12,000 per annum."

What TVL job ad means: "The pay is shit. By paying peanuts we expect to employ monkeys."

What TVL job ad says: "Average salary with commission in 2010 was £23,897."

What TVL job ad means: "You can boost your earnings by selling lots of licences to people, whether they need them or not."

What TVL job ad says: "An outstanding results-based incentive scheme."

What TVL job ad means: "Sell, sell, sell and you'll make lots of cash. The harder you try to sell, the more likely you'll be able to bully your commission payment from someone."

TV Licensing: Just Who Do You Think You Are?

It is a sad reflection of the way the TV licence system is administered that the BBC, acting under the disguise of their TV Licensing trading name, have no qualms about harassing legitimate non-TV viewers for money they don't owe.

We have talked at quite some length about TV Licensing's intimidatory routine mailings, which are designed to scare payment from anyone without a licence. These letters, riddled with half-truths and accusatory innuendo, barely acknowledge the fact that the recipient is probably living a perfectly legal TV-free existence.

If you do not use equipment to receive or record live broadcast television programmes then you do not need a licence and that is a fact. Furthermore, you are under no legal obligation whatsoever to communicate or co-operate with TV Licensing. Indeed experience tells us that talking to TV Licensing is like trying to plait fog - a completely futile gesture that causes immense frustration, but ultimately achieves nothing.

A new video appeared on onlywhenpissed's YouTube channel today, which shows him enquiring why TV Licensing had sent him their most heinous letter yet when they had absolutely no evidence of any wrongdoing. Videos like this are always interesting because they expose for public scrutiny the half-truths peddled by TV Licensing call centre staff.

Remember the best course of action is to ignore TV Licensing completely. If you don't watch or record live programmes they have no business with you and you can safely ignore their pseudo-official pretence to the contrary.

TV Licensing Fail Detector Van Challenge

Last month we brought you news of a challenge TV Licensing were set to prove the effectiveness of their detector van technology.

YouTube user onlywhenpissed, now a regular visitor to this parish, openly announced he would be using an unlicensed TV for the period of a month. He invited TV Licensing to contact him for his address, so they could head around to his place and use their magical equipment to detect his terrible crime. To make things even more interesting he added the following incentive: "£1000 payable if you (TV Licensing) can do it plus a further £1000 to any charity of your choosing."

Last year we exclusively published the embarassing BBC revelation that evidence obtained by their detection equipment had never been presented for scrutiny in open court.

Sadly it would seem TV Licensing failed to rise to the challenge. Perhaps the threat of having their people appear on YouTube deterred them, so they decided to focus on less tech-savvy pensioners or single mothers instead. After all, that's where the easy commission payments are to be found.

TV Licensing: Achtung, Achtung

Licence fee payers will be heartened to hear that the BBC spends more than £20,000 per year producing a glossy TV Licensing newsletter that they never have the opportunity to read.

We thought we'd remedy the situation by asking the BBC to release every issue of the In Brief newsletter since 2008. These are linked to below:

Summer 2008 edition
Autumn 2008 edition
Spring 2009 edition
Autumn 2009 edition
Winter 2009/10 edition
Spring 2010 edition
Summer 2010 edition
Autumn 2010 edition
Spring 2011 edition
Summer 2011 edition

In Brief is sent to what the BBC humerously describe as TV Licensing stakeholders. These are people TV Licensing wish to indoctrinate into their warped sense of logic (e.g. no-one can survive without TV, therefore everyone must have a TV, therefore everyone must need a TV licence). Worryingly TV Licensing routinely send this document to Magistrates Courts in an effort to misinform feeble-minded JPs about many aspects of their operation.

We actually first came to hear about In Brief when a JP told us he had received it bundled with a routine publication from the Magistrates' Association.

Further information about In Brief, including an edited distribution list, can be viewed here.